Confusing Infatuation With Love: Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment


Are We Addicted To Social Media?


On Jealousy


Relationships, Love and Expectations

Many people drift through life hoping that love will "find them" like some sort of gift from God. It rarely works out that way. One must be actively engaged with new people and actively looking, and eventually, there will be some chemistry that tells us "I really like this person". And, we'll see that the chemistry is present in the partner as well. When that happens, we need to be very careful to manage our expectations.

Then, we need to work to develop that relationship and if things work out well and we are communicating properly, love can develop.
One of the biggest relationship impediments is the communications part, and that means managing expectations. We frequently expect a little too much, a little too soon. And that can spell relationship disaster.

First of all, you must know what it is that you want in a partner, and manage your expectations so that they are realistic. Otherwise, you may end up going through a whole series of encounters that simply don't work out for one reason or another. If you are divorced or have been in a relationship where you have been hurt by another, you have to be able to get past those hurt feelings, open your heart, and learn not to have unrealistic expectations for a new relationship.

While the early weeks and months of a relationship can feel effortless and exciting, successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long run. Many times,  one partner simply doesn't want to move that fast. So, tossing away someone simply because they want to take it slow could turn out to be a big mistake. It's important to keep communicating as expectations can and will change over time - but only if you are communicating and listening.


Blocking an ex online lover as an act of kindness

I strongly recommend taking the step of blocking somebody on Google+ (or another social network) with whom you had an online relationship with, that didn't work out, for whatever reason. Here are the benefits:

1) It establishes to both parties that  you have a sense of self - worth and confidence. If the other person really cared about you, they would have contacted you by now. Since they have not, it shows that they aren't dealing with the situation in a mature, adult manner, or that they really didn't care about you as much as you thought. Either way, it's time to say goodbye and the way you do that is to *cut off all contact*.

2) Often, people who are involved in online relationships that fail attempt to relegate the relationship to the "let's just be friends" level. They will follow you around like a puppy, making you emotionally miserable because they still think "you are a friend". They simply won't "get the message". Make no mistake - if you've been romantically involved with someone and it blows up like this, you've been FRIENDZONED.  Blocking in cases like this is an act of kindness - both to yourself and to them.

3) It's just good business practice. When the offending party has been blocked, you don't have to worry about them reading your content and you are free to move on with an open heart. It may hurt for a while, but it will go away.

Been jilted by someone? Try my solution. You'll thank me later!


Nye vs Ham, Evolution, Creationism, and Intelligent Design

The widely publicized debate between "science" (Bill Nye) and "religion" (Ken Ham) led me to make sure I understand my terms. I have no issue understanding the scientific basis for evolution; there is an extensive fossil record. But the "religion" side may be a bit murkier. You really have
Creationism vs Intelligent Design here.

Creationism comes in different varieties, from the strictest biblical literalism, which says the Earth is only a few thousand years old, to the theistic evolutionism of the Catholic Church, which accepts evidence that the Earth is millions of years old, and that evolution can explain much of its history—but not the creation of the human soul. Between those, there are the "Young-Earth" and the "Old-Earth" creationists, who differ over the age of the planet and the details of how God created life.

The limited scope of Intelligent Design theory actually makes it compatible with a wide range of views. Some ID theorists do believe in evolution — or at least that different species can change over time — and many believe that the Earth was created more than 10,000 years ago. But there are also ID theorists who believe in a 100 percent literal reading of Genesis and stick to it.

Young-Earth creationists criticize the Intelligent Design people for encouraging a "loose" reading of the Bible, and the design theorists say that ID represents at least the "partial truth" and that it is, at the least, the best available tool for dislodging what they see as evolutionist dogma.

When all this is said and done - and I found this debate really boring and designed mostly for publicity - I think the real question we should be asking ourselves is whether we are teaching our chilldren the critical thinking skills they need to be mature adults in a changing world. If we can say that we've done that, they should be perfectly capable of making up their own minds.


Some Facts About the Minimum Wage That You Probably Didn't Know

1) Only 1 Percent Of The U.S. Labor Force Earns The Minimum Wage
2) Teenagers Comprise The Single Largest Age Group Of Minimum Wage Workers
3) Most Minimum Wage Workers Are Under The Age Of 25
4) A Majority Of Those Who Earn The Minimum Wage Work In Food Preparation Or Sales
5) Less Than 5 Percent Of People Who Earn The Minimum Wage Work In Construction Or Manufacturing
6) A Majority Of Them Also Worked Less Than 30 Hours Per Week
7) Less Than One-Third Worked Full-Time
8) A Full-Time Minimum Wage Worker In 2014 Will Make 24 Percent More Than The Federal Poverty Limit
9) One-Third Of Minimum Wage Workers Either Dropped Out Of Or Never Attended High School
10) There Are Nearly Six Times More Minimum Wage Workers Today Than In 2007
11) A Change In The Minimum Wage Often Triggers Union Wage Hikes And Benefit Renegotiations

In truth, there is only one way to regard a minimum wage law: it is compulsory unemployment. The law says: it is illegal, and therefore criminal, for anyone to hire anyone else below the level of X dollars an hour. This means that a large number of free and voluntary wage contracts are now outlawed and hence that there will be a large amount of unemployment. Remember that the minimum wage law does not provide any jobs; it only outlaws them; and outlawed jobs are the inevitable result.

Sources: The Federalist http://goo.gl/c85z33 , Thomas Sowell


Getting Over a Failed Relationship

The best way to get over a failed relationship is to be completely honest with yourself.  The worst thing you can do is spend time imagining how things “could have been” or what “might have happened.”  The relationship failed, and that’s all there is to it.

Maybe it failed because your partner wasn’t faithful, maybe your personalities just didn't "click", or maybe you both got bored with each other.  There are plenty of reasons why relationships fail.

The first thing to do is give your old relationship the funeral it deserves.  This goes for a lot of things in life outside of relationships.  You have to move past the hurt feelings and the disappointment.  The better your relationship was, the worse this process may be. A lot of it also depends on how long the relationship lasted. The old adage of "well, we can just be friends"  is very difficult to make work; it's better to just make a clean break and forget everything - the sooner, the better.

The best way to get over these feelings is to put your mind on something else.  You are not a robot, so you can’t turn your feelings off and on like a faucet.  What you can do, however, is introduce yourself to activities that help you feel good and get your mind off the relationship.  Volunteering is one of the best ways of doing this, or sinking yourself into one of your creative pursuits such as art or photography.

If you feel overpowered by your circumstances and don’t know where to turn, then now might be the time to learn about meditation.  You cannot stop strong emotions, but what you can do is learn how to control them.  Meditation is the act of bringing your mind and thoughts under control.  This might seem weird and "new age", but I come from a family of meditators -  it works for me and it can work for you.

Find a quiet spot, undisturbed and away from any cluttered areas in your house.  Get into a comfortable position. Then, concentrate on your breathing. Think of nothing else.  If a stray thought wanders into your mind, simply objectively throw it away and go back and concentrate on your breathing.

Knowing how to get over a failed relationship is knowing how to master yourself.  It’s knowing how to remove pain and fear from your life.  It’s a hard road, no doubt, but it can be done and time heals all.


Online Cyber-Romances - Can they work?

When you're a divorced full-time programmer who has an autistic son living at home, you really don't have a lot of time for the dating scene. I never liked it anyway, so "no great loss", as far as I'm concerned.  In my case, I've been divorced more than 10 years and in the last year or so I've come to the realization that I'd really like to find love again and have a life - partner who wants to share the rest of her life with me.

But what is left, if you are seriously "looking for love" again?  Well,there is social media (Facebook or Google+ - Twitter is out of the question) Of the two, I prefer Google+ because it gives you all the tools to meet someone in the virtual world, have private conversations, and even video hangouts. Facebook seems to have too many "fake profiles" and scams. The other alternative is dating sites such as OK Cupid or Plenty Of Fish (POF). I tried Match.com but it didn't seem to offer much more than the other two and you have to pay for it. Overall, my determination about dating sites is that they seem more like "target practice" I've met a couple of women though these but it seems like it's hard to get things to move to the next level somehow. My preference currently is Google+ - and I've had two online romances in the last year or so that originated on there.

The religious nut
The first romance was a fluke. A woman from California who I barely knew sent me a private post from "out of the blue" sharing her sexual fantasy about me. At that time, I didn't even know she was married. Anyway a cyber-romance ensued and I became emotionally involved with her. But it only lasted about two months; she suddenly wanted to withdraw and be "a better wife" to her husband, face God, repent and all that other Christian stuff about "sin". Oh, and could we "still be friends". Unfortunately, I later found out that she is a serial cheater - she turned around and had a new affair with an online friend of mine who is married. Hot naked pictures were exchanged, his wife found out about it and really got hurt. Later I find out that this woman is not only borderline sociopathic but has also been depressed and has taken medication for clinical depression. So that relationship blew up. I should have known better and asked her if she was married right up front. Unfortunately, there is far too much of this serial cheating going on and social media is the primary place that it takes place.

The "Processor"
My second romance was much more recent, and it's pretty much over. A woman circled me, I checked out her profile and liked it, and I circled her back. She sent me a thank you post, and I replied saying that I don't circle everyone, and  I thought she had "passed the test". There was a period of a few weeks where there may have been some good-natured subliminal "teasing" going on, and one day I sent her a private post confiding that I had a sexual fantasy about her (which was true). We ended up having private conversations; I found out we had a lot in common and she's divorced. Phone numbers were exchanged and there was a series of texts and phone calls. We talked a lot, we became rather intimate, and it looked to me like a serious potential relationship was developing. Then I sent her an email confirming my true feelings and I guess it kind of freaked her out and scared her. Apparently, I may be looking for love,  but she is a "processor" - much more cautious and didn't want to move that fast. The problem was that she didn't communicate this to me until it was too late.  In this particular case, it is still almost incomprehensible to me how a woman could respond so positively to a man's advances, texting, chatting, talking on the phone, becoming intimate and sharing her inner self, even having virtual sex as a willing participant, and then expect the man to be able to somehow "read between the lines" and know that she isn't ready to make a commitment and wants to be more cautious.

If you're not ready for love  and need to be cautious, you need to reevaluate how you are responding to the advances of men and think about ways you can respond more honestly, much sooner, and not give the man the wrong signals. Otherwise, it most likely will "blow up", as this one did.

The bottom line is that if you are a busy professional and don't have a lot of time to go on dates, yes -- you can actually meet somebody online and fall in love. It can be a little tricky, but it certainly can be done. I also have women friends who have met men online. Just be careful, and do what I do - don't do anything that could hurt other people.


The Psychology of Social Media

"My name is Peter, and I'm a social media addict"

Have you ever run into a friend on Facebook or Google+ who posts that they "need to take a break from social media"? That their faith in humanity has hit a new low? Or that they are seeing too much intolerance, trolling, etc.?

Social media has made many aspects of relationships more accessible: Viewing posts from friends scattered around the world can make you feel more connected to them, while the ubiquity of social media can often make it easier to get in touch with someone than more traditional, “offline” means. But social media also helps fuel feelings of isolation and self-doubt. A 2012 study published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, for example, found that the longer people spent on Facebook each week, the more they agreed that everyone else was happier and had better lives.

For some, that self-doubt can be countered in the same place it originates: through affirming social media interactions. This is part of what keeps users coming back to social sites; favorable attention, when achieved, is an addictive sort of reward. It’s also what makes not receiving those affirmations so dispiriting. Being on the short end of someone’s social media endorsements can create feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, and irritation, while being too generous with your own social media praise can feel one-sided when left unreciprocated. So, then, can the friendship.

Such feelings are exacerbated when friends don’t follow you back, or "uncircle" or "unfriend" you - a circumstance so obsessed-over it has inspired a number of web applications meant to help users determine who dropped them.

It’s important to remember that as far as barometers of friendship go, social media is pretty shallow. It’s unrealistic, and dangerous, to presume you know how someone feels about you based on how they react or respond to you, or don’t, through virtual means, whether that presumption is positive or negative, unless that social media connection is enhanced by real communication via phone or other means and through IRL (in  real life) meetings.

Individuals who suffer from social anxiety and low self-esteem have a lot to gain from using social media. Yet, paradoxically, these individuals are less likely to do so. One study in particular found that online social communication skills and self-esteem are correlated, indicating a link between the strength of offline relationships and time spent online; this might not work to the advantage of socially anxious individuals for whom offline relationships are difficult to forge in the first place.

As an individual with great access to social media, I find myself reflecting more and more on its role in my own life. One thing I've learned is not to let it take over my life. I've learned to pace myself, taking frequent breaks whenever I feel that I need to, and above all, I try not to take social media "too seriously".


Gratitude And Happiness

A friend posted somebody's link to a short movie about gratitude and happiness, and I instantly got the "connection" because it parallels many of the things that have been going on in my life right now.

It turns out, giving thanks is good for your health. A growing body of research suggests that maintaining an attitude of gratitude can improve psychological, emotional and physical well-being.

Adults who frequently feel grateful have more energy, more optimism, more social connections and more happiness than those who do not, according to studies conducted over the past decade. They're also less likely to be depressed, envious, greedy or alcoholics. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and have greater resistance to viral infections.

For older children and adults, one simple way to cultivate gratitude is to literally count your blessings. Keep a journal and regularly record whatever you are grateful for that day. Be specific. Listing “my friends, my school, my dog” day after day means that “gratitude fatigue” has set in. Writing “my dog licked my face when I was sad” keeps it fresher. The real benefit comes in changing how you experience the world. Look for things to be grateful for, and you’ll start seeing them.

Studies show that using negative, derogatory words — even as you talk to yourself — can darken your mood, as well. Fill your head with positive thoughts, express thanks and encouragement aloud and look for something to be grateful for, not criticize, in those around you, especially loved ones.

Philosophers as far back as the ancient Greeks and Romans cited gratitude as an indispensable human virtue, but social scientists are just beginning to study how it develops and the effects it can have.

A Buddhist exercise, called Naikan self-reflection, asks people to ponder daily: "What have I received from…? What have I given to…? and What trouble have I caused…?" Acknowledging those who touched your life—from the barista who made your coffee to the engineer who drove your train—and reflecting on how you reciprocated reinforces humbleness and interdependence.

It's also important to express gratitude directly to others. For example, "It makes me so happy when you call me and we get to talk" is an example of a direct expression of gratitude. It makes not one, but two people happy!

Here are some additional resources to read on the subject of gratitude and happiness:
http://goo.gl/f7U7D  Time Magazine
http://goo.gl/f9AAov Psychology Today
http://goo.gl/f9aT2  How Stuff Works
http://goo.gl/q0XyP  PsychCentral
http://goo.gl/JBYuQ  Georgia Psychological Association
http://goo.gl/4y2QhL  Wall Street Journal

Some Lessons About Obamacare, Single-Payer, and an Example From Denmark

The Danish health care system is the nightmare of any anti-government free market believer: it's a tax-funded state-run universal health care system.

Denmark provides "free" health care to all residents, funded through taxes. According to OECD's Health Data, the Danish health care system delivers healthcare at roughly half the cost that Americans pay. Danish health care covers everybody - 100 percent of the population-while in the U.S. fewer than 80 percent of citizens are covered, and often only partially.

But the real question is: what makes Danish health care so cheap? It's not because it's of poorer quality. According to international surveys, more than 90 percent of Danes are totally satisfied with their health care, and it uses the most advanced methods available anywhere. And per capita there are more hospital beds and doctors than in the U.S.

It's mainly cheap because it's a lot simpler to manage. There are no medical insurance companies or lawyers or lobbyists operating for profit, or financial background checks. There are no uninsured, so there is no paperwork if you get sick or injured.

Of course Denmark's universal health care means a higher overall tax bill and that healthy people are indeed paying for the treatment of sick people through their taxes. But because the system is simpler and less profit-oriented, it ends up being cheaper for everybody.

That, of course, is the exact opposite of what is happening with Obamacare. Obamacare does nothing to control unit costs, and it does nothing to curb the bloated waste created by the U.S. where health care financing is siphoned off by lawyers, administrators, and insurance companies; the cost of lobbying lawmakers and advertising is astronomical.

U.S. health care is the most expensive system on earth and incredibly wasteful.  Denmark and  some other Scandinavian countries clearly prove that a government-run system can provide its population with superior care without being inefficient, bloated, or costly.

Stronger state regulations ensure that the money pouring through the system ends up where it's supposed to: with doctors and health care providers.
The pharmaceutical industry still gets its fair share since medication is still bought on the free market, which rewards innovation.

A greater degree of government involvement in health care might be un-American, but when the American system has abjectly failed, a refusal to look abroad for better models is simply self-defeating.

Sources: http://goo.gl/gvHhvY


How's Your MINO doing?

In my travels through social media over the past several years, especially on Google+, I've come across a phenomenon that I've come to affectionately refer to as "MINO" - Marriage In Name Only.

For whatever reason, women whom I've met on social media  have a tendency to be willing to confide in me - probably  at least in part because I actually happen to be a trustworthy person, and never, ever disclose private information that I am entrusted with to third parties. And so I end up finding out about their relationships.

I wouldn't say there's a "typical" MINO; they're all a little different. One woman, a religious Baptist, confided that she hasn't been sexually attracted to her husband for over 20 years, even though she claimed that she "loves him". That's a MINO. Another woman who has a disabled child still lives with her husband but she really no longer loves him and the marriage is more or less "kaput". Another MINO. Another woman got married to her best friend from high school because all of her friends were getting married (peer pressure) but she discovered that she has never really loved him. That's a MINO! Another woman confides to me that she's married but there's just no intimacy or love any longer. Yep, a MINO!

Now you may notice that there is a common thread here: People are staying in marriages that aren't working; in some cases they are either unable or unwilling to work to "fix things", and yet they persist in staying in these essentially failed relationships. Now in some cases there may be a sound reason - usually it's children whom the parents feel need that "family unit" as they grow up. But in other cases, there is no good reason at all other than the fear of the unknown. 

The net result of this is that there is a lot of "fooling around" going on, almost always surreptitiously.
Me, I was married to the same woman for 23 years, and only cheated on her once. It lasted about one day. But the ex wife turned out to have histrionic personality disorder, was making my life miserable, and so I got divorced.

The problem with all this "fooling around" is that there's no free lunch. It creates stress - stress on the people in the failed marriage, often stress on the recipient of the amorous advances by the man or woman in the failed marriage, and occasionally even stress on the recipient's spouse, if they are married - and believe me, yes - they sure do find out!

Being divorced and essentially free from this  kind of guilt, at least for the time being, I can't really offer much advice other than this: 

If your marriage isn't working, for whatever reason, try to fix it. Get counseling, whatever. If it can't be fixed, then if you can, accept that and get unmarried. Then you'll be free to fool around all you want -- without the stress and the guilt.


The new year is right around the corner. What changes are you going to make in your life?

Everyone believes they need to make big changes but the only big change you need is the change to your thinking. 

Change your thinking and you will automatically change dozens of small things you do every day. That’s because action follows thinking. 

Things to Think About in 2014:

(1) Why?  Why am I doing things the way I am doing them? Why am I using that media? That message? Who suggested it? Am I testing it?

(2) Think of each day as a gift. What you do with that gift is up to you. Will you waste it? Make it productive? Enjoy it?

(3) Consider that who we are is determined mostly by our environment — until we become aware of this fact — then it’s up to us.

(4) Remember that you can’t eliminate all mistakes, but you can stop repeating them. Are you repeating mistakes? 

(5) Just because something has never been done doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Maybe you were meant to do it.

(6) Share what you learn. Share the credit. Share the success. Take responsibility for the flops.

(7) Spin sucks. Do not "spin" mistakes. Apologize for them. Do not "spin" bad news and try to make it look good. Put your best foot forward — but be honest. Geez, who raised you? 

(8) Good communication can solve most problems at home, at work and in your community. Good communication starts with listening. Listening starts with caring about the other person.

(9) A good life has a positive impact on others, even after you are gone. A great life makes your children proud of you and shapes their values.

(10) Finally, Reflect over the past year. Think about things you'd like to do better this year, new things you'd like to try and people you'd like to make amends with or start over with. Have you achieved the things you wanted to in the past year? What specific things would you like to change or redirect? Asking yourself questions about progress, change and where you want to be right now can help to keep your perspective fresh, giving you new motivation to make this year a more fulfilling one.

Anything you regret saying? Anyone you wish you could apologize to? If there is, apologize and make things right with them. You don't want to worry or regret anything when you start the new year.

Was this past year so great you don't want it to be a new year? Great, make a scrapbook or diary entry about how great this year has been. But tell yourself the new year will be even better. Build on the lessons you've learned and keep the good things coming.

Was this past year such a terrible year for you that you worry the new year will be more of the same or even worse? Thinking that way may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody expects you to fly when your wings feel broken but it's important for your own well-being to start finding small ways to mend your dreams. Treat yourself with greater compassion and hang out more with folks who have kind hearts. Focus on making this coming year a much gentler, kinder one. This might include letting go of things that are causing you anxiety––scary at first, but really liberating when you finally do it.


Rep. Trey Gowdy Lectures The Media On Benghazi

The Justice and State departments  cite a year-old FBI investigation and a future criminal prosecution to block access to survivors of last year’s Benghazi terror attack.

The Obama administration is "changing names" of the Benghazi survivors and "creating aliases" to keep them hidden from congressional investigators and the American people.

Rep. Gowdy  said the administration is "dispersing them around the country" to keep them out of sight.

CNN revealed there were "dozens" of CIA operatives on the ground in Benghazi on Sept. 11, 2012, the night of the deadly attack that killed four Americans. Meanwhile, the CIA is taking "unprecedented" steps to keep whatever it was doing in Benghazi a secret, according to reports.

These Benghazi revelations come at the same time that the Obama administration has decided to start referring to the Benghazi and IRS scandals as "phony."


On Dealing With Sin and Forgiveness

According to a friend of mine, this is biblically accurate:

 Matthew 5: 22:24 
22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.


Let's Take A Closer Look at Gun Deaths in the United States

This is the kind of emotional rhetoric and propaganda promoted by the progressive liberal anti-gun movement:

"Over 11,000 people died from guns this year, Over 200 were children. 2014 needs to be the year we put pressure on the House to represent our desires to tighten gun safety, background checks, penalties for unsecured weapons and limit weapons of war on the streets!"

But let's dissect the facts, and remove the emotions from the equation, shall we?

There are roughly 32,000 gun deaths per year in the United States. Of those, around 60% are suicides. About 3% are accidental deaths (less than 1,000). About 34% of deaths (just over 11,000 in both 2010 and 2011) make up the remainder of gun deaths. Sometimes the 32,000 and 11,000 figures are used interchangeably by gun control advocates. Clearly, the 32,000 figure is a far more dramatic number and is often used for impact. These numbers are also regularly compared to other countries' gun statistics. But are they true? Here, we will examine some of the most common gun control arguments used and put those figures into perspective.

To hear gun control advocates speak, one would be led to believe that gun violence is a widespread problem whereby the mere existence of a gun is as much a problem as the person who intends to wield it. But the reality is that gun homicides are overwhelmingly tied to gang violence. In fact, a staggering 80% of gun homicides are gang-related. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), gang homicides accounted for roughly 8,900 of 11,100 gun murders in both 2010 and 2011. That means that there were just 2,200 non gang-related firearm murders in both years in a country of over 300 million people and 250 million guns.

The 2,200 figure is perhaps the most relevant of all gun statistics in the gun control debate given that the gun control laws are specifically targeted to this segment.  Most of the gun laws are aimed at a segment of the population that is mostly law-abiding and outside of the gang culture and would likely do little to stop any of the violence.

Suicide is often a secondary reason gun control advocates use for wanting to "control" guns. It is true that roughly half of suicides in America are done by use of a firearm. The suicide rate in Japan (where guns are almost nonexistent) is more than twice the United States' suicide rate. The US suicide rate is about the same as Great Britain, Canada, Denmark, Switzerland, and Iceland and well below France and Greenland. In reality, suicide rates seem to have little to do with the availability or accessibility of guns.

Most gun legislation is politically motivated and not logical. Politics is often a processed-based and not results-oriented exercise, where "doing something" is often rewarded more than actually ever accomplishing anything.


Good Bye

I still think about you.
I feel badly about how things
didn't work out for us.
But - it wasn't my fault, and
I no longer dwell on it.
You were the one who lied,
and cheated, and betrayed.
You were the dishonest one.
At one point you told me that I was
the only one you were interested in.
But sadly, you lied.
I've cut you off forever
because of that and
I still believe it was
the right decision for me.
There is no room
in my life for
untrustworthy,hypocritical people.
You cannot come back -
You will have to live with
youself, your dishonesty,
and reconcile your betrayal
of my love and my trust.
You lied to me, to your husband,
and to yourself.
I wish you well, but Good-Bye.


On Intimacy

Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship. These relationships involve feelings of liking or loving one or more people, romance, physical or sexual attraction ( but not always) or emotional and personal support between the members. Intimate relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments.

Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. It does not have to be sexual in nature. It also requires honesty and trust.

I've met a lot of people on Google+ and the vast majority of them are friends, but we are not intimate in the above sense. Of the married  people I have learned to trust and confide in, the number one reason they state for not being happy in their marriage is "a lack of intimacy".

I think this underscores just how important achieving and preserving real intimacy is -- in any kind of interpersonal relationship.

Robert Sternberg said, "Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still." When you can achieve true intimacy with either a friend or a lover, it is something to be cherished and protected.


Why Minimum Wage Hikes Increase Unemployment

There is no clearer demonstration of the differences in the two major political parties than their position on the minimum wage. Democrats generally are in favor of a higher minimum wage, Republican generally oppose it, although in recent times they have certainly caved.

In truth, there is only one way to regard a minimum wage law: it is compulsory unemployment. The law says: it is illegal, and therefore criminal, for anyone to hire anyone else below the level of X dollars an hour. This means that a large number of free and voluntary wage contracts are now outlawed and hence that there will be a large amount of unemployment. Remember that the minimum wage law does not provide any jobs; it only outlaws them; and outlawed jobs are the inevitable result.

All demand curves are falling, and the demand for hiring labor is no exception. So laws that prohibit employment at any wage that is relevant to the market must result in outlawing employment and causing unemployment.

If the minimum wage is, in short, raised from $7.25 to $9.00 an hour, the consequence is to disemploy, permanently, those who would have been hired at rates in between these two rates. Since the demand curve for any kind of labor is set by the perceived marginal productivity of that labor, this means that the people who will be disemployed and devastated by this prohibition will be precisely the "marginal" (lowest wage) workers, e.g. blacks and teenagers, the very workers whom the advocates of the minimum wage, such as president Obama, are claiming to foster and protect!

The advocates of the minimum wage and its periodic boosting reply that all this is scare talk and that minimum wage rates do not and never have caused any unemployment. Okay, if the minimum wage is such a wonderful anti-poverty measure, and can have no unemployment-raising effects, why are you helping the working poor by such piddling amounts? Why stop at $9.00 an hour? Why not $20 an hour? $100? $1,000?

It is obvious that the minimum wage advocates do not pursue their own logic, because if they push it to such heights, virtually the entire labor force will be disemployed. In short, you can have as much unemployment as you want, simply by pushing the legally minimum wage high enough.

The fact is that they have always been shrewd enough to stop their minimum wage demands at the point where only marginal workers are affected, and where there is no danger of disemploying, for example, white adult male workers with union seniority. When we see that the most ardent advocates of the minimum wage law have been the AFL-CIO, and that the concrete effect of the minimum wage laws has been to cripple the low-wage competition of the marginal workers as against higher-wage workers with union seniority, the true motivation of the agitation for the minimum wage becomes apparent.

This is only one of a large number of cases where a seemingly defective persistence in economic fallacy only serves as a mask for special privilege at the expense of those who are supposedly to be "helped."

Once in a while, AFL-CIO economists and other knowledgeable liberals will drop their mask of economic fallacy and candidly admit that their actions will cause unemployment; they then proceed to justify themselves by claiming that it is more "dignified" for a worker to be on welfare than to work at a low wage. This of course, is the doctrine of many people on welfare themselves. It is truly a strange concept of "dignity" that has been fostered by the interlocking minimum wage-welfare system.

Unfortunately, this system does not give those numerous workers who still prefer to be producers rather than parasites the privilege of making their own free choice. Minimum wage laws guarantee more unemployment. Period.

sources: Murray Rothbard, Thomas Sowell, studies