On Honesty

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.

Most of us want an honest relationship with our mate, or potential mate. People have a need for honesty and openness -- it gives them a sense of security and helps them become emotionally bonded to the one who meets that need.
Those with a need for honesty and openness want accurate information about their partner's thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future.

If your partner does not provide honest and open communication, trust is undermined and the feelings of security can eventually be destroyed. We cannot trust the signals that are being sent and feel we have no foundation on which to build a solid relationship. Instead of adjusting, we feel off balance; instead of growing together, we feel as if we are growing apart.

Honesty and openness help build compatibility in a relationship. When you and your partner openly reveal the facts of your past, your present activities, and your plans for the future, you are able to make intelligent decisions that take each other's feelings into account. And that's how you create compatibility -- by making decisions that work well for both of you simultaneously. Trust builds and grows, and so does real love.

But aside from the practical considerations of honesty and openness, those with this need feel happy and fulfilled when their partners reveal their most private thoughts to them, and feel very frustrated when they are hidden. That reaction is evidence of an emotional need, and if that is the way you feel, include honesty and openness as one of your most important emotional needs.

Personally, I have had great difficulty with a few women I've been involved with who have been dishonest with me. Honesty is closely bound with trust. My approach is that if you want someone to trust you, you must be willing to trust them first. But you also need to be smart enough to ask a lot of questions early in the relationship, or you run this risk of getting burned and having unneccessary heartaches.
Sources: marriagebuilders.com, wikipedia, and other sources.

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